roborats Scientists from the State
roborats
Scientists from the State University of New York recently wired up real live rats with electrodes that allow them to control them via radio-control up to 500 yards away, according to this Reuters article I saw on Yahoo News. This is fantastic! Robot Rats will be used to root out buried explosives, and help find missing people buried in rubble. Apparently they figured out a way to stimulate the rat’s “feel-good” brain sensors, as well as induce false whisker stimulation, and have successfully “steered” rats through laboratory mazes. They plan on using GPS receivers on the rat’s back to track its movement and aim it at certain locations.
I CAN’T WAIT for the little robo-backpack to be available as a consumer product from Sony or Panasonic for $49.00. Fuck AIBO! I will slap remote controls on every animal I can find. Remote control snakes, dogs, cats, mice, gerbils, ferrets, and maybe even monkeys.I’ll jam one into my sister’s head and make her cook dinner all the time! What a fantastic breakthrough. This is WAY better than cloning. I mean, cloning is OK, if you want to harvest new hearts and lungs and livers and stuff. Frankly, I am going to need a liver pretty soon. But, damn, remote-controlling animals will be fantastic.
I think my dream-animal would be a healthy, male capuchin monkey, like the one’s they use for the helping hands program, with a radio control device jammed into his skull, a GPS on his back, and a fucking X-10 wireless camera on his forehead! I will dress him up in a tiny ninja costume, and straight into the dressing room at Victoria’s Secret he will go. Yeah!
[…] I have considered faking disability in order to be officially issued a Helping Hands Monkey. (BEST logo of any company ever. Wrote about them here.) I called them once, asking if I could be a foster parent for one - they actually have those, but it turned out that you need to go to Nevada and live on the farm for a week until they decide whether or not you’d be a good Capuchin monkey parent. Of course, I am sure they would find me ineligible if only for the alcohol abuse, but I digress. You also need a stay-at-home job, a bedroom just for the monkey, a $10,000 “fee”, and about $10,000 in equipment, cages, and shock devices. I am kidding about the shock devices. So, in any case, I can’t have one “officially” so it’s falsifying documents and a spit controlled wheelchair for me… […]