At first you might want to laugh at the 480 pound woman who died in Florida a few days ago. Emergency workers were trying to remove her from the couch she had been FUSED to after not getting up for 6 years. Years. I chuckled to for a second. Until I read the “husband’s” quote:
“I tried to take care of her the best I could,” said 54-year-old Herman Thomas, who lived with Grinds in the duplex apartment in Golden Gate, south of Stuart. “I tried to get her to get up, but it wouldn’t do no good.” “I wish I could have pulled her off the couch, but she wouldn’t let me,” he said, covering his face and sobbing.
How ’bouts this? I thinks hes shoulds be tried fo’ murder.
Stupid backwoods fuck. Negligence doesn’t even begin to cover it. How the fuck do you, not only stand by watch your wife grow into a piece of furniture, but actually provide the food for her to do it. You have go to be fucking kidding me. This stupid piece of shit fed his wife and watched her piss and shit herself for 6 years and did nothing. He should get the death penalty as far as I’m concerned. I don’t need any more details, any more information, nothing. Kill him. Let him join his wife in the big ol’ sofa in the sky.
Jim Norton has a genius rendition of what the 911 call probably sounded like over at I Stink. He made it sound funny and sad at the same time. By the way, his site is disturbingly funny. If you don’t know Jim, he’s a stand-up comedian that frequently appears on Colin Quinn’s Comedy Central show, Tough Crowd. He loves hookers and isn’t afraid to write about it. He’s also got “a torso that resembles a scallop with 14 year old girl titties glued to it.”