Eddie Vedder and the enormous raccoon
Yesterday, Jay and I drove out to Reading, PA to go watch Pearl Jam in concert. It was probably my 12 or 13th time seeing them in concert, and as usual, they continue to outdo themselves. The concert was fantastic. It took 3 1/2 hours to get out there, but the 2 1/2 show was worth every minute, except for the one song with guest perfomer Tim Robbins, who sucks ass and can’t dance and isn’t cool.
On the way home at 2am, on i78 somewhere between Allentown and New Jersey, doing 90mph, we smashed right into an enormous raccoon trying to cross the highway. We won. It was pretty scary when it happened. It just ran out, and I judged (after screaming loudly) that he was small enough enough to not risk avoiding, even though he was big for a raccoon, and just drove straight right into him. It made a loud noise and then a long continued dragging sound that continued after a few minutes of driving, leading us to believe it was car damage and not the dead body. A few minutes and miles later, we pulled over to examine the damage to the car and find the source of many of the strange dragging noises coming from the undercarriage. Armed with a pocketknife and a penlight, I crawled under the front end. Bits of fur were visible wedged into the shattered plastic. There was a lot more damage than we thought. The bumper is broken, the bottom grill is missing, the protective shroud under the engine is shattered and dangling, the fan blades are broken, and the inside wheel-well is missing. The car was drivable, so I made it home. This morning I was able to get under there and examine in more detail. Blood and fur is clearly visible along with the jagged edges of broken plastic.
I have not gotten an estimate yet, but it has got to be over $3000 in damage. Lucky for insurance. Sweet. Still, got to pay that $500 deductible. Fucking raccoons. Fucking Pennsylvania.
I know I could have told this story better. I am just too lazy today. For the record, Jay screamed much louder than me.
I’m not sure what I’m saddest about…
a) Pearl Jam aren’t playing anywhere near me
b) you f**ked up your GTI
c) a raccoon got smeared
God apparently thought you and the raccoon had too much fun that day.
No pics of what a racoon impact at that velocity does to fine German engineering?!
This might explain why…
Raccoons have big balls.
I have to be honest, that fucker just ran right out in front of us and scared the shit out of me. I felt it under my feet and we thought we were dragging it. Turns out, the whole splash guard collapsed from the impact. We are lucky in wasn’t a deer or Andrew would be really sad ’cause we’d be dead.
Murphy, I actually think the poor thing exploded on impact. Not much of a photo op.
Pearl Jam rules.
Maybe this was some kind of suicide bomber type of raccoon. Making you pay for going to see one of the worst bands of our generation.
The poor creature sacrificed it’s life so you could see such a bastardization of modern music.
“Bastardization of modern music”…what the f**k? PJ? That doesn’t even make sense.
I’m looking forward to Chris’ response to this dick. Whatever he says, I agree with…
As a friend of mine once told me when I was feeling sad about crushing a little green snake in the road, maybe the racoon was terminally ill, and didn’t want to be a burden on his family, and you really did him a favor cause he wanted to go quickly, while still in his prime. (Not working for you? Nah. It didn’t make me feel any better either.) Especially considering your car damage. Does insurance cover that sort of thing? And, it’s better you hit the fella if it would have meant swerving wildly at high speeds and crashing into a tree, or ditch, or another car or something. But it’s still a bummer.
Oh, yeah. And I was really expecting some sort of story about how a racoon attacked Eddie Vedder while on stage. THAT would have been interesting.
I love Pearl Jam…don’t know about Racoons!! I am seeing them in concert on the 13th of September!!!! This is almost as boring as me…….