It’s real late, and I just saw a commercial for some Hillshire Farms all-beef cocktail wieners. I thought that cocktail wieners might be the dirtiest sounding food in the world. That is until somebody comes along and markets Dil-Donuts as I have been suggesting for years. I actually have a packet of Cock Flavored Soup Mix stuck to the wall of kitchen. That’s pretty bad too.

Chef on South Park made Chocolate Salty Balls. There’s a whole episode about them. It turns out that Chocolate Salty Balls are real, and here is the recipe in Burke’s Backyard! Maybe I should make some for my next party.

The lyrics also include the recipe. See below…

Two Tablespoons of cinnamon, and 2 or 3 eggwhites
Half a stick of butter, meeeelted..
Stick it all in a bowl baby, Stir it with a wooden spoon
Mix in a Cup of Flour, you’ll be in heaven soon
Say everybody have you seen my balls?
They’re big and salty and brown
If you ever need a quick Pick-me-up
Just stick my balls in your mouth!
Ooh, suck on my chocolate salty balls,
Stick em in your mouth and suck em!
Suck on my Chocolate Salty balls
they’re packed full of vitamins, and good for you,
So suck on My balls!

Quarter cup of unsweeted chocolate, and half cup of brandy
Then throw in a bag or two of sugar, and just a pinch of vanilla
Grease up the cookiesheet, cos i hate when my balls stick
Then Preheat the oven to 350°, and give that spoon a lick
Say everybody have you seen my balls?
They’re big and salty and brown
If you ever need a quick Pick me up
Just stick my balls in your mouth…
Suck on my chocolate salty balls
Stick em in your mouth and suck em!
Suck on my Chocolate Salty balls
they’re packed full of goodness, high in Fibre
Suck on My balls!

[sniff sniff] Hey, wait a minute, what’s that smell?
Smells like something burning
Well, that don’t confront me none
As long as I get my rent paid on the Friday.
Baby you’d better get back in the Kitchen..
Cos i’ve gotta Sneaking Suspicion..
Oh man baby, baby! You just burnt my balls!

Someone help me, my balls are on fire!
Get some ice baby! My balls are Burning!
Get some water, pour some water on me!
My Balls are burning!
Help me, Blow on em, Blow on em, do something!
Ooh, suck on my chocolate salty balls
Stick em in your mouth and suck em!
Suck on my Chocolate Salty balls
Put em out baby, Blow em!
Suck on my balls, baby! Suck on my balls Baby!
Suck on my red hot, salty, chocolate balls
Put em out baby, hoo, hoo
Suck on my balls…

–Chef (Isaac Hayes)