Deal of the Century
I finished up dinner with my girlfriend at a little restaurant on 13th and 8th. We hadn’t decided how we were getting home yet, so we walked around the block, onto 14th, and towards the Square. It was a beautiful night. We walked for a block or two, between 7th and 8th, where the block is a little more dimly lit and a lot more sketchy.
From out of the shadows, a short, thin, black guy, breathing heavily approached us with a shopping bag from Nobody Beats The Wiz. He was plainly dressed, in jeans, an untucked button down work shirt, and sneakers. He was cautious, with darting eyes, scanning, alert, and scared.
“Hey buddy. You interested ina video camera. It’s digital. Cheap.”
I looked around, and instantly went into alert ninja mode myself. I scanned down the block and across the street. The coast looked clear. I had heard about situations like this before, but was never involved in one. I was going to let this one play out a bit, just to see where it went.
“Lemme see it.” I said. I felt powerful, criminal, and exhilarated.
He leaned in closer to us and opened the bag. Inside was a boxed up Sony Mini DV video camera. It was still shrink wrapped. In fact, it was still bubble wrapped, “right off the truck” as they say.
“Where’d you get it?” I whispered. My girlfriend squeezed my arm in fear, and I felt even more powerful.
“I got a friend who works at the Wiz. He “gets stuff” when they get deliveries. They just had a delivery. I gotta hurry up though so what do you want to do? $125.” He was still breathing heavy. He was nervous, in a hurry, and definitely scared. I on the other hand was staring at an $800 camera for $125. I had $30 left in my pocket, along with a 4 inch serrated folding knife in my pocket that I was thumbing the whole time.
“Let me see it more closely. Yeah, over here, in the light.” I was being more cautious now, but I was excited. I wanted a video camera badly, but never have the money for one before. He opened the bag up, in the light, and I examined it. I read the list of features: mini DV, 120x Optical Zoom, 3.5” LCD, iLink, SteadyShot, NightShot, the works!
“Listen man, I am interested, but I only have $30 on me. I can go to the ATM, but you look like you’re in a big hurry. Why don’t you walk over there with us?” Before I can say anymore, or he can tell me no, my girlfriend, God bless her soul, chimes in.
“I have like $160 in my wallet! You can just pay me back.”
I was a little annoyed that my tough, street savvy persona was cracked by my girlfriend, but I was too excited that this deal might actually happen to be mad. “Um, OK, give me a $100 and I’ll pay you back later.”
She counts out and hands me 5 20’s right in front of the guy, right in the dimly lit, sketchy area, and I take it, and add my $30 to it. So dumb. But luckily no violence erupted.
“Do you have change man? Ah forget it. Here’s $130, but this is how it’s gonna go down…” My pride was coming back, and I was taking the situation back onto my terms. “When we exchange “packages” you will go down the block that way,” I pointed west, “and we’re going the other way,” east, “ and you won’t look back, and you’ll keep walking.”
“No problem, man. Here you go.” He hands over the Wiz bag with one hand and takes the money with the other. It was quick and dexterous, just like a crack deal from a man for TV movie. I was “doing a deal,” “purchasing contraband,” and it was exhilarating. My girlfriend was going to get fantastic sex, and I was going to get a great video camera, and maybe, if my luck continued, the two might cross paths. But, at the moment, we had the rest of a well thought out plan to execute.
“Baby, let’s go. We’ll walk a block and catch a cab.” We walked briskly but calmly. She starting the badgering almost immediately.
“You really should give me the camera. Seriously. I have always wanted one, and it was mostly my money, and I have a cute little cousin I want to tape and…”
“Baby, you can BORROW the camera sometimes, but seriously, it’s mine. Don’t play around.” I was serious. I just made the deal of the century and it was for me. She could have the ridiculous sex my bolstered ego would bring, but I would have the camera.
We hailed a cab and jumped in. Now I was breathing heavy. “Astoria!”
Then the phone rang. I was Rossi. Yeah, the Rossi who posts here from time to time, and can completely corroborate this story. “Jeff, dude, you’ll never believe what just happened. Here, talk to Carissa, she’ll explain. “And so she did. She retold the story to Rossi. He was asking questions because I could hear her one-word answers, “Yeah…yup… he was so cool.” My ego was continually stroked as I took out my knife and began to cut open the top of the box. The serrated edge made quick work of the bubble wrap, shrink wrap, cardboard, garbage bag, and newspaper…
“Baby. We just got had.”
“What? Rossi, hang on. What!?” she was as stunned as I.
“Baby, you just got fucked out of $100.”
And there we sat, quietly, staring at the makeshift Sony packaging comprised of an old cardboard box, wrapped in a black plastic bag, with The Wiz Sunday specials flyer that had been cut out and taped on, wrapped in shrink wrap, wrapped in bubble wrap, filled with tightly folded newspapers. She wisely didn’t say anything except,
“No, seriously, that’s YOUR “camcorder,” and I want my $100 back.”
Rossi waited on the phone for while. I don’t know if I ever got back on. I think he night have just hung up. The rest of the cab ride was quiet, but we recapped the story to each other over and over again. As we continued to examine the box, it became more and more obvious how retarded I really am. I have lived in NY my whole life, first of all. I KNOW technology. I used to work for Sony. And the box looked ridiculous. There was a clipping for “High Speed Internet Access,” 4 different kinds of cameras, Nobody Beats the Wiz logo was taped to the box. Seriously. It wasn’t even close. Not even the slightest hint of authenticity.
There’s a moral to this story I think. NEVER buy stuff off the street. No matter how good the deal appears to be. Never talk to strangers (for fucks sake, I learned that one in kindergarden…). Don’t let greed control you, ever. Never borrow money from your girlfriend. Um, oh, there’s so many.
If anyone ever tried to sell me anything on the street, I swear to god, I am going to stick that serrated knife right in their neck and take their wallet. Seriously.
Well, I guess you might be curious about what it looked like. Lucky for you, I fucking saved it for the last 3 years, and took some pictures, and well, here you go…
I pray to God this is a joke/ficticious entry. That box doesn’t look anything close to legitimate!
Unfortunately Aaron, it’s 100% non-fiction fact.
i spent yo $130 on the finest ass in town bitch!
Dude…that was some funny sh*t!
Seariously you just made up a Seinfeld moment here.
And most probably, you’re George Costanza.
Holy Shit Chris, you work in advertising, and you fell for a box that looked like THAT? If you ever see this guy on the street again, you should hand him another hundred bucks for being able to convince someone to buy that fucking thing. Even better, Wunderman should put him in charge of biz-dev.
Thank your lucky stars he wasn;t trying to huck diamonds in a blue “tiffany” box.
Chris I was just thinking of that yesterday - I can’t believe you posted these pics!!!
Yeah - I was there (sort of)and that really happened.
He showed up at my house with is box of folded newspapers with awful Wiz stickers.
Mitchell and I laughed and laughed.
To Chris’ defense - under layers of “bubble wrap” and in the dim lighting of Union Square - I can sort of understand with the adrenaline pumping and what not how that could look legit.
But GOD it looked bad when it was unwrapped.
I was just about to post a comment about how incredibly funny it is that 1) you got played and 2) you mention “my girlfriend”, when I:
1) Remember my Times Square onte carlo “incident” - the cop was standing RIGHT THERE!
2) Saw Huck’s comment. “Seariously?” WTF? C’mon, Huck. Please try. Please. Please. Please. I beg you.
Please.
that box looks fake from waaaayyy over here chris.. sorry if we have to give you a lousy time for it.. but.. yeah.. greed gets the best of you.. *pat pat*
I’ve always hoped for a deal like that, but since I was taken for $250 on one of these “off the truck” deals when I was 17, I’ve steered clear of them.
Man, that box looks worse than any Canal St knockoff packaging I’ve ever seen! Glad the cam works.
I’m surprised no one has mentioned that it might not be a great idea to post under your real name about receiving stolen merch on the web.
D’oh!!! I missed the “more…” part of the story. GODDAMN!!!! Sorry, bro.
man, this scam has been going on around for quite some time that I’ve read it on the net last year. Buyer beware I suppose, but dude, for a guy that’s living in NYC, you shoulda known better.
hahahahah! My god that sucks. Isn’t it amazing how adrenaline makes the eyes see only what your mind wants to see? In that instance it was a real Sony Mini DV from the Wiz (it said so right on it, afterall!). In the future it will probably the pulsating jugular of your new enemy.
Hahaha, thats awesome that camera has ‘high speed internet’ classic . . .
Even funnier, because The Wiz stores are pretty much all closed down (bankrupt for over 2 years now).
dude - awesome! you’re so dumb!
i read on a blog that the same thing went down a few months back involving a titanium powerbook. someone posted an ad or something on craigslist talking about a guy selling a laptop in union square. one guy said f it and ran down to check it out. when he got there there was a despondent kid there. the kid that got duped threw the box and , get this, laptop made from duct tape in the trash. the guy that ran down took it and posted photos of it on his blog.
i’m googling to see if i can find the post
One time, a college roomate of mine got played and bought some “hot speakers” for his stereo system out of the back of a guy’s van. Brand new (from China of course!). The funny part is that he never believed that he got played. He brought the cheapo things home ($300 later) and plugged his shitty $60 speakers into his crappy shit system. He probably still has them and probably still brags to people about how he scored such a killer deal. Makes me want to buy a beat-up van and go into the speaker biz.
Speakers are the best scam. It’s easy: take a pair of nice quality speaker boxes, take out the appropriate speaker cones, replace them with something incredibly cheap and boom… instant cheapo speakers with a fancy label. And that’s the hard way to do it. Some good brands (like psb) only put their badging on the speaker grill which has a near-universal easy mounting system. Put a set of replacement PSB grill on a lousy pair of speakers and sell them for $200 = easy money.
Don’t buy “hot” anything much less speakers.
I didn’t get past the first line.
WHEN DID YOU GET A GIRLFRIEND?
Heres that link about the fake Powerbook - and he paid $200!
http://www.viceland.com/issues/v11n11/htdocs/ihustle.php
Like Napoleon Dynamite says, ‘Idiot!’ If it sounds too good to be true, it’s probably because it isn’t. I’ve heard this story go back to VHS VCR’s. Any idiot knows that anyone approaching you on the street with a ‘good deal’ is gonna rip you off.
You have got to be the biggest dumbass alive today! Dude, seriously! Have you EVER in your life seen a box for ANYTHING that looks remotely similar to THAT box? What a dope! I can’t believe you fell for the oldest trick in a crackhead’s arsenal. You deserve to get ripped off.
Now, if you’re really interested in a deal of the century, I’ve got it for you! Here’s the deal, I’ve got this brand spanking new 17″ PowerBook G5. Yes, that’s right, a PowerBook G5. You can be one of the first individuals to own one. This sucker sells for over $3,000 and it can be yours for $400. Why so cheap? Well, to tell you the truth, I already own one and this one was given to me by Steve Jobs himself because of some design engineering work I did for him. It’s all yours if you want it - just shoot me an email.
Nice try, ace, but I smell a bullshit story. There’s no way a smart guy like you who has a fancy blog like this would ever fall for a blatant, half-assed and crude rip off job like this. The sticker says Hi-8, dude, you said mini-DV. You mean for me to believe a guy that graduated summa cum laude would fork over $130 to some bum off the street without even checking the contents? Was your school for the extremely gifted mentally challenged? Nice try at fiction writing, but go make another Altoid battery pack for your new iPod or something.
Wanksta,
I understand how this looks, but it’s not fiction. I actually must be retarded. I wish I did make it up. To this day, I can’t believe how naive and dumb it was. I can only chalk it up to greed and overconfidence. Dude, I took pictures of the box! Where do you think that piece of shit came from!!??
I would have rather been mugged, I swear to god.
“From out of the shadows, a short, thin, black guy”
“But luckily no violence erupted.”
You RACIST ! You american !
AHAHAHHAHAHA Jesus, im a speaker guy who sells speakers on the street and im amazing that you paid $100 for a box that looks like that.
Do you realize what one of us would have taken you for if we met you before this idiot? You should feel lucky!
I take people to banks and have them sighn up for a credit loan if they have no money on them or in the bank lol. As long as there are greedy suckers like you, we keep makin money. However, I do not agree with selling an empty box, now THATS a scam, not what we do~!
well, the same guy still sells stuff around union square, this time a fake powerbook, and much more elaborate than chris’ box full of newspaper.