Happy New Year
I am sitting home, watching TV on New Year’s Eve because it is my most hated holiday of the year. I am sure you all had a good time, but for me, stomach-sinking, soul-stealing worries about returning to work in a few days, coupled with the amateur-hour style drinking that goes on tonight keep me home watching Ultimate Fighting Championship and working on my website. Thanks, but no thanks, on the $120 open bars, puke soaked wool coats, and noise makers. I’ll stay home tonight, and see you in my blood and puke soaked wool coat on a random Tuesday night, which is how I prefer Tuesday nights.
While I am on a rant here, let me continue by saying MTV is useless. At 15 seconds to midnight I turned it on to catch the ball drop, which was a total waste of time. They didn’t have a camera on the ball. Instead they focused in on Stephen from Laguna Beach (reality or soap opera?) and some ugly VJ hugging. Then they had two nobody bands butcher a cover of an old Cars’ song, right before I changed the channel.
I flipped over to ABC for Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve just to see how his stroke recovery went. Let me be the first to unabashedly say, “Not well.” Please Mr. Clark, I, like the rest of the country am glad you recovered from your stroke, but, I, like the rest of the country, deserve a New Year’s host who can still speak. He literally sounds worse that Kirk Douglas, who, as you know, has been all fucked up since his stroke many years ago. He sounds like Lou Ferrigno with downs syndrome. I don’t want my new year rung in by a sad old man with dyed hair clinging to his youth and fumbling over words like “new” and year.” We deserve better than that. With all due respect to Dick, GET HIM OFF MY FUCKING TV!
Da mos popula new ear resoruson is oose weigh, an da seton mod pomula reesorussion ez guet zmookee.”
- Dick Clark, Jan. 1, 2006 [Translation: The most popular new year’s resolution is to lose weight, and the second most popular resolution is to quit smoking.]
While you’re at it, please poison Ryan Seacrest. Douche. It was the most painful 6 minutes I have ever watched, other than the lipsynched (or lipsunk) performance by Hilary Duff of her catchy new single, “The Beat of My Heart” that immediately followed.
Can we please ring in the New Year with somebody who can talk or sing or do anything worth anything!!!??? I wish Al-Qaeda would attack my living room right now.
Happy New Year.
UPDATE: One positive note… It appears The Bangles are on some kind of reunion tour, as they just played “Hazy Shade of Winter” live. Susanna Hoffs is still MINT.
not a big fan of the new year either. sobriety is a bitch.
“I wish Al-Qaeda would attack my living room right now.”
That, right there, is my highlight of 2006. So far.
Happy New Year!
holy crap, it’s chilling how similar our new year’s experience was. I was so pissed that VJ kept asking gay Laguna Beach questions when the ball was dropping. Every channel featuring the ball dropping was littered with ads. Next year I’m getting drunk and playing Trivial Pursuit, by myself.
I usually spend the New Year celebration waiting tables on a bunch of assholes. People are extra drunk, extra demanding and extra obnoxious. I am usually out of holiday cheer, short on patience and short on champagne glasses. This year wasn’t so bad but I think at midnight I was running a plate of scallops to table 44. I got wasted on Vueve so it turned out fun in the end. 2 years ago at the stroke of midnight I witnessed a coworker attempting to reach his table of 18 people with a tray full of their 18 promised complimentary champagne toasts, when he was intercepted by a spontaneous drunken dancing girl, who in one ungraceful spinning motion flipped his tray, spilling every glass, breaking most of them and cutting his hand. She kept dancing as he stood there in disbelief and I laughed. I’m laughing now thinking about it. Happy New Year.
“He sounds like Lou Ferrigno with downs syndrome.”
That bit of the rant is pure gold. Nothing like taking a shot at the mentally challenged and downs syndrome folks in a single breath. Take that Corky!