Ram Man
WTF!!?? Listen, there is no need to explain to me that I am a big guy. I know it. I wear a size XL. But what is the deal with my disproportionately large neck? I mean seriously now. It’s like my face is growing straight out of my chest.
I have been wearing XL sized shirts for years now. It was only for this Dubai gig that I really started wearing shirts and ties to work everyday, so it has been a really long time since I buttoned my top buttons and tied a tie. (Although I have to admit that 12 years of Catholic School taught me two really important lessons: 1. The single windsor knot, which I can tie the shit out of, is far superior to the double-windsor, and 2. There is no God.) In order to get shirts that fit comfortably around my neck, I have been forced to buy 18 inch neck shirts! Now, here is the problem. I am swimming inside the shirts, even around my ample belly area. Switching to 17 or 17 1/2 inch neck leads to excellent fits around my body, but a neck opening that I cannot close. I have even lost nearly 15 lbs since getting here, but my fucking neck size hasn’t changed at all!!!
What kind of freak of fucking nature am I? I feel like Ram Man from the He-Man cartoon. The only thing I am missing are the springy legs.
[The Ram Man links will take you to a page with more information than should be healthy to read about Ram Man, his origins, catch phrases, and allegiances. It’s a bit sick, really.]
So, anyway, back to my neck. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Are there ways to reduce the size of your neck or should I just embrace it and start bouncing head first through brick walls? Anyone else have a problem like this? Mitchell? Rossi?
i would suggest you stick with 18in shirts, and take them to a taylor and have them take it in around the waist/chest. all they have to do is re-stitch the seams on the left and right side, takes less than 10 minutes, costs you $5 (probably less in dubai, probably less if you bring them a stack of shirts) and you have a perfect fitting shirts.
Just buy the 18 inch necks and have the shirts tailored to fit your body. You also might have a tailor move the button over on a 17.5 inch neck but thats only if its a minor change.
even better, it might be really really really worth your money to get some shirts custom made. go to a good tailor…. you’ll get presicely what you like and want…. colour, texture, and fit like a glove. far better than anything off the rack.
honey, custom made shirts. you’ll look fantastic. add a monogram on the sleeve cuff and you’ll be stylin (but i’ll make fun of your pretention for getting a monogram on your shirt sleeve). still… stylin.
a) There is no such thing as a “double winsor” knot you dolt. Its a winsor (or as I call it “FULL Winsor”) or it’s dirty illegitimate half brother - the half winsor. Its the Daniel Baldwin to the full winsor’s Alec - or for you younger readers out there, the Aaron Carter to the full winsor’s Nick. Loop the damn tie one extra time and show some class.
b) Everyone who has replied thus far is a fool. Simple solution. Buy the shirts with the 18 inch neck and eat enough to fill the rest out. If the shoulders don’t fit get some shoulder pads like you are the 5th Designing Woman. This has worked for me, I have a 17.5 in neck, but used to weigh 98lbs. Now I’m pushin 2bills and lovin’ life!
Speaking of he-man, I may be the only human who remembers this but there was a character named: Mekaneck (or MeckaNeck) but he was the bizzaro RamMan - he would actually stretch his neck real long. So strange that there realy 2 “neck” characters on he-man.
For a cheap, easy, off-the-rack solution, look for slim fit shirts. I know Brooks Brothers make these, and I’m sure many other brands offer this. They are 3-4″ thinner through the chest and are just the ticket for an ill-proportioned gentlemen like yourself. (I wear these as well, so I can vouch for their usefulness.)
I have photos of a DiClericoized, obliterated couch that may equally destroy any doubt of your legs having aforementioned super-springs embedded in them.
As for the neck, just adopt the traditional ultra white wrinkle free thobe.
Sans the headgear.
I guess you don’t have a Men’s Wharehouse out there in Dubai? Or how about a Chess King? MINT!
Chris, before I leave remind me to introduce you to my tailor ;o)