Yeah, I give relationship advice sometimes. Tonight I gave some to an old friend from NY, a girl that I have never been in a relationship with, but who I know very, very well. When I was writing it, I realized that I could take out a few names and it would be good advice for anyone. So here is some of my relationship wisdom:

It’s simple really. You’ve made a hard but very real decision about your ex. Lonely, horny, nostalgic, angry, whatever, there is no reason to think too much about him at all. You aren’t going back to him, even for just one night, so there is no decision to make, nothing to think about, nothing. If want any type of friendship with him, then fine, it is unlikely to work out in the end, but fine. Just make sure you treat him like a friend and nothing else. If he keeps on treating you like something else, then the friendship can’t work. If you give him reason to do that, then it’s your fault.

As far as the other one is concerned, either be with him or don’t be with him. Don’t let fear of loneliness keep you in a relationship when you have for more important things to do with your time, alone or not. BUT if you are having fun and enjoying his time, then there is also no reason to let “the future” be the thing that ends the relationship. If all you can think about is whether or not the guy you are with is “marriage material” or long-term-worthy, then you will never be happy. You have to find someone who’s company you enjoy and who is on the same page as you.

“Same page as you” is worth explaining. If you want to have a one-night stand and have one with a guy who wants a one night stand, then all will be fine and fun and sexy. If you want a casual relationship with a guy who wants a casual relationship, then all will be fine and fun and sexy. If you want a casual relationship with a guy who wanted a one-night stand, then you’ve got problems. This goes on and on and always works. If you want a casual relationship and he wants a long-term relationship, disaster. See? Same page. You got to be on the same page no matter what it is you want.

Now, you and a guy might start on the same page, but then somehow it will eventually become lopsided. If it doesn’t, if you continue to grow your relationship at a reasonable and mutual pace, well then, there you have the marriage material. It’s a simple formula.

Of course, my problem is that I perpetually only want casual. It always goes lopsided, and then it always ends. Simple formula.

Now, when it is time to make a move with this guy, severing the relationship or whatever, do not “create drama.” That is the weak and easy way out. You also don’t need drama. What you need is some mature honesty. “This isn’t working out. We want different things. I don’t want to do this anymore. Sorry.” Done. Like ripping off a bandage - fast, clean, painful, but only for a second. Don’t insult him, but don’t worry about hurting him. It’s always going to hurt a little, and he is going to be fine. Don’t worry about “being the bad guy” or him hating you. Everyone always worries about that and then finds themselves 5 years into a shithole relationship and can’t figure out how they got there, even though they knew it wasn’t right after 6 months.

Best breakup I ever had went like this:
“I am not enjoying myself anymore. I don’t think I want to do this anymore.”
“I am so relived you just said that. I was thinking the same thing.”
“Sweet. Friends?”
“Sure.”
Done. Awesome.

That’s all the relationship advice I have. Take it with a grain of salt. I’m single.