I park in a back sandlot behind the office building everyday as does everyone else in company who is not “manager” level. Since I am only a consultant, I can’t park in the executive parking facility. So, I park with the bottom of the barrel retards. (No offense.) In this “parking lot” there is completely no structure. It is basically a mostly unpaved area surrounded by poor people housing, covered in dust and sand, with stray cats running around, and garbage everywhere. It is the ghetto.

As you might imagine, being the parking for the lowest level of people in the company, they are not too bright, and their organizational and parking skills are abysmal. So every morning, the parking lot is in a completely different configuration, made up on the fly by the first dimwits to arrive. More space is wasted than used, cars are blocked in, and frequently it takes 20 minutes of driving around to find a spot, only to have to walk about a half mile to the building, in the dust/sand, making your shoes filthy, in 105 degree heat, and smelling like a combination of rotten tuna and a giant shit. Honestly, it is like Mad Max.

Bottom line, a nightmare.

For the last few months my fury has been boiling over in into car kicking, rearview mirror destroying, and a driving-style witnesses might describe as “homicidal.” It hasn’t helped.

I have been more recently threatening to print out notices to put under the windshield wipers of cars that have parked particularly badly - either taking up two spaces, blocking an aisle, or boxing someone in, basically telling them that they fucking suck.

But, it turns out that somebody beat me to it. The guys over at youparklikeanasshole.com have really outdone even my best ideas for how to deal with this problem. I won’t ruin the surprise.

Open this PDF, print about 10 copies, cut them in half, and keep them in your glove compartments in case you ever encounter anything like my parking lot from hell.

I’ve started dropping them already. I can’t even tell you how satisfying it is.

Enjoy.