toe flap
Last night, in the middle of the night, after too many drinks and too little adult supervision, I decided I had stewed in the jacuzzi for too long and it was time to call it a night. Some of our motley crew had already passed out and some had gone home. Mike, Crissy, and I were the only ones left pruning, and it was just time for bed. Mike has the tendency to sleep all night in the jacuzzi and so I was trying hard to get him out. I leaned over to uplug the iPod speakers to kill his music but instead I stepped on a broken wine glass. Not good.
I bled over most of Mike’s backyard from my new toe flap. It wasn’t a clean cut, but rather a diagonal filet, a very deep, and very bloody new hatch across the whole of my big toe. We did our best to wrap it up. Crissy being annoyingly helpful, Mike forgetting if they own tape or not. I wanted to duct tape it and call it a night, but Crissy insisted we had to go to the hospital.
So, we spent the rest of the night in the cleanest, best emergency room I’ve ever seen.
At 8:30am we emerged, $600 poorer, tetnis-shot in the ass, with 5 stitches inside and 10 stitches outside my flap, a massive gauze toe, and no shoe. So dumb.
So, thanks to Crissy for sticking with me. Sorry to Mike and Kerry for leaving more permanent stains on your stuff. Now it’s time for me to buy some open-toed shoes. At least they won’t be hard to find in this neck of the woods.
Oh, how we laughed!
As I was too fucked up today to even contemplate cleaning your blood off the terrace, it’s been soaking up the sun all day. There are now several large pools of jellied-Chrisjuice liberally splodged around the pool area, and the sheer variety of local fauna that’s stopped by to sample it has been amazing. Ever seen a swarm - a fucking swarm - of six-inch dragonflies? Me neither, until today.
So thank you for making, in your own inimitable way, our humble garden an altogether more naturally diverse habitat.
i’ve never slept so well in an emergency room before.
thanks for an adventure filled evening!
What the fuck is wrong with you.
Leave yourself alone already.
Fucking wolverine.
Chris,
PLEASE take care man.
That looks horribly painful. way more than the bump on your forehead.
Try not to have too many adventures for a while!
Take care.
-Shwe
Where’s Lipson when you need him? “You all better just back on up cuz’ I’m about to hulk on up in heeer-ya!”
I check back after 18th months to see who purchased the rights to this mother fucker and not only do I see you’re still at it, but you’re still at YOURSELF. Good god, man. Excellent work. I still remember when you fucked up your head the size of a golf ball. Top man.
WTF is up?
Majer