The following story is rated R for mature language and sexual themes. Reader discretion is advised. If you haven’t read the first part of this story, SCUG, you really should before you read this.

The summer after the porno mag incident, Jimmy and I discovered cable TV. Well, sort of. WHT was a predecessor to HBO and real cable. It was a brown faux-wood box on top of his regular television with a single sliding switch. I don’t know how much it cost, but my father was a cop and his was a salesman for IBM, and therefore he had it and I didn’t, and that’s just the way it was. Just like Atari and the Star Wars AT-AT Walker, some things were just too expensive. In any case, on Friday nights, WHT ran a programming schedule after midnight called NightCap, adult entertainment, not for kids, dirty, bad, naked, and great. We were never left unsupervised, and although we knew all about it (from the back of the weekly programming guide), we had never actually seen it. One night Jimmy’s parents, who were best friends with my parents, were over my house playing cards. Jimmy and I devised a scheme to tell our parents that my sister was watching TV in our basement and therefore we should be allowed to go across the street, literally across the street, to watch the baseball game at his house. They agreed suspiciously, and we ran over. It was 10pm.

We hurried over to his house and actually turned on the Mets game, but we stared impatiently at the clock on the wall over the TV, counting backwards until midnight. By 11:45, the excitement level was intense. Jimmy, 9 years old, turns to me and says,

“My penis is hard and sticking out like a broomstick.” He literally grabbed a broomstick from behind the door to his back yard and put it between his legs like he was a witch riding it. He made a jerking-off motion around the stick. I had no idea what that motion was. I think it was also the first time I heard the word penis.
“Mine too,” I replied.
“Why is it doing that?”
“I think it has to do with sex,” I tried to exert some seniority. (I was 10.)
“I heard you make babies by sticking a peanut in the mother’s butt.” Jimmy told.
“I don’t know how you make babies. I am pretty sure you don’t use peanuts.”
“What is sex?” Jimmy asked.
“I don’t really know. Well I kind of know, but I don’t really understand.”

Looking back, I realize that at the time, we knew so little, that our excitement was really only about seeing women with their tops off. At that moment, we had no idea what we were actually in for, WHT NightCap was rated X, not R.

But first the goddamn dramatic pause.

I was 10 years old, so it was 1983, only a couple years after the launch of MTV, and way before it’s explosion, so therefore, Friday Night Videos was still the only real source of music videos for most people. WHT also ran some videos, almost as commercials for the albums, between the programming. One such video is etched in my memory because it preceded the NightCap shows for this particular night. At about 11:55pm, the video for Kajagoogoo’s “To Shy” came on, and went on and on and on and on. I didn’t know that song was 4 hours long, but when you’re sitting there, with one of your first hard-on’s, time stretches. Anyway, we sat there and watched the whole frigging video, which sucked, and we strained with anticipation and fear. As a side note, I am pretty sure that song only has four words,”Two shy shy, hush hush, ayuai,” over and over and fucking over again. I swear I have no idea what it means. That’s one of the worst songs of all time.

After the Kajagoogoo eternity, NightCap finally began. I remember the movie vividly. The sexy opening credits faded away, revealing an older woman masturbating on her bed. She had her hand down her panties and was topless. I thought she was just scratching herself. My 10 year old hard-on raged. Cut to the next bedroom where we saw a younger woman in a playboy bunny style outfit, fuzzy white bra and panties, fuzzy rabbit ears, beautiful. She gets up and storms into the bedroom of the older woman. They have some type of argument about a man. It becomes clear that the older topless woman is the mother of the younger woman. In the middle of the argument, and naked man with a fully erect penis passes by the doorway and peers in. He looks impatient but says anything. The daughter yells something like,

“Well fine then! I am gonna go FUCK in your bed!” And she turns and storms out. I stared at the screen with my mouth wide open. I learned what “fuck” meant at that moment.

The mother rolls over to continue masturbating.

Cut to the girl laying on her back. Her top is now open and her perfect breasts are exposed. Naked guy and his penis stroll around the room.

Jimmy and I are going insane. I am totally aroused, but pretty scared that someone’s parents are going to barge in at any moment. Of course, at the time, I had no idea what masturbating was. I didn’t know how my own junk worked, so I could do nothing about the feeling I was having. I just thought it was the best feeling ever.

The guy climbs onto the bed between the girl’s legs. He removes her bunny ears. Cut to her crotch which is now uncovered of panties, but covered in hair. This was clearly before the whole bikini wax trend which I now know and love. The guy takes the headband part of the bunny ears and places it like a frame around the girl’s crotch. He says nothing, but leans his face down close to her crotch. His hand reaches up and he spreads her vagina open.

“Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!” Jimmy screamed.
‘What the…!!??? Aaaahhhhhhhhhh!” I yelled as I jumped up from the couch, erect penis and all. I practically dove across the room and hit the WHT selector switch to off as quickly as possible. I fought back vomit, and tears, a terror at the same time.

“What WAS that?” I inquired, out of breath.
“I have no idea,” was Jimmy’s honest response.
“That was so gross. It looked like scrambled eggs,” I observed. “Did you see that?”

Jimmy was visibly horrified. His face was ashen, and he was shaking a little bit. He said nothing more for a few minutes. I am sure I was even worse. Even those explicit magazines we found in the woods months before did not have vaginal close-ups like we had just seen. I was completed confused and disgusted. And intrigued.

Jimmy became more inquisitive, “What do you think he was gonna do to it?”
“I have no idea. Maybe he was gonna kiss it. Maybe we should put it back on and find out. What do you think?” I prompted.
“My parents will be home soon… Yeah, let’s put it back on.” Jimmy was ready to go.

He ran up the stairs to check outside. No one was coming, so I got to work putting the TV back to the right setting. Jimmy ran back down the stairs as the picture came into focus. The shot was from behind. The girl was in the missionary position, and the guy was humping her. No penetration was shown, just the man’s ass pumping up and down.

We stared at the TV, waiting to see more, learning, absorbing. We were a little confused but it didn’t matter. We wanted to see more, and more, and more.

Then we heard the keys jingling in the door. Jimmy jumped up.

“My parents!! Oh no!”

He dove for the TV this time and switched as quickly as possible. I stood up and stared down, at my penis. I wondered when it would go down and whether or not his parents would see. We both bolted for the stairs as the door opened.

“Hi!” we chimed in together. I can’t imagine how conspicuous we looked. As smiles, shit eating grins as their called, probably sweating, with our little hard-ons. I don’t know what they thought, but they simply asked us what we were doing.

“Watching TV. There’s nothing on. I am gonna go home now. Goodnight.”

And with that I bolted across the street and back to my house. I said hello to my parents and went to my room and waited for the ratting out and beatings to come.

But they never came. Jimmy never ratted me out. He wasn’t Mike D., and that was good, because this one was bad. But, it stayed our little secret, until just now I guess. Sorry Jimmy.