A dear old friend of mine has an adorable 5 year old nephew in kindergarten in New Jersey. She invited me to participate in a little event the school has organized to celebrate the kids’ 100th day in school. They have invited 100 friends to write emails from different parts of the world. I was honored to be asked, but, to be perfectly honest, I was also very, very stressed out about it. I have never felt like I’ve had so much responsibility in my fingers before. I felt old, and not-wise-enough, without the right advice or the right words to give it. This was an exercise in summing up my life for some little people with limited vocabularies and even less interest. I sent the email below just a few minutes ago. I hope I haven’t ruined anyone…

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Dear Derek and class,

100 days! Wow! I bet that seems like it went by very fast. That’s how it all feels when I look back. I can remember kindergarten very well, and that was 28 years ago! Boy does time fly by. I spent 17 years of my life in school, got a degree, and worked really hard after that. Now, I get paid to help people build websites, and I live very far away from where I grew up in Staten Island, NY.

I live in Dubai, in the United Arab Emirates. That’s on the other side of the planet, just south of the Persian Gulf, next to Saudi Arabia. Just 10 40 years ago this was a small city in the desert and some people still lived in tents. Now, it is the fastest growing city in the world, with millions of people, skyscrapers, beaches, shopping malls, and even man-made islands and a ski-slope with real snow. Here’s a link to it on Google Maps.

I am 33 years old now, and it was only this year that I learned the most important thing I ever learned: There is a very big world out there, and you won’t feel like you have had a good life unless you’ve seen most of it with your own eyes.

This year I have traveled a lot. I touched the ancient pyramids in Egypt, held a baby sea turtle in Mexico, was almost attacked by a morey eel in the Gulf of Oman, photographed beautiful buildings in Spain, walked across London Bridge, and snowboarded in a shopping mall in the desert of Dubai. I have never been happier.

I’ll leave you now with some pretty good advice: Work hard in school because it all pays off in the end. Listen to your teachers and parents because they did all this already. Travel the world because it’s nicer than New Jersey.

Congratulations on your first 100 days!

Best wishes,

Chris DiClerico
(Good, old friend of Derek’s Aunt Lori)
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When I get my dry-cleaning/washing done, the place where I send it, Champion Cleaners, overdoes it a bit. First of all, they pick up and deliver the damn clothes. It can’t get any better than that. But, the only options for t-shirts is “folded” or “hung” and, for Dubai, it is not cheap. There is no “by the pound” option like in Queens. I, by far, prefer “folded” because each t-shirt is literally washed in magic soap which makes it impossibly clean and new looking, then folded around its own 9″ X 12″ cardboard, and placed into its own plastic bag. I get a bag full of dozens of perfectly folded, perfectly clean, perfectly wrapped little shirts, in plastic bags. Its like fucking Christmas, only every week. It is truly awesome.

Since I got here, for some reason I can’t even come close to explaining, I have saved the cardboard that every t-shirt has come in. I have a giant stack on my desk in the bedroom. There are hundreds of them for sure. I have no plan. Just perfect cardboards. Maybe I’ll make a giant deck of cards. That would be ridiculous.

The other day I was looking at the cardboards, thinking what the fuck was I going to do with them, when it dawned on me. They are like perfect little canvases, and I should use the water-colors my sister gave me when I left for this place to paint on them.

But I have nothing to paint. No beautiful view, no trees, not really any water. Just bland white, off-white, and tan buildings, on gray skies and dusty roads. Not depressing, just not for watercolor recreation.

And then an email came and my sister suggested I might paint Skype the dead Magic Gecko. And that made me instantly think I should paint Skype the Magic Gecko. So now I might.

So, I guess now I am just wondering if you have any tips for me. I’ve never painted anything except a wall.

Last night was Top Gear’s season premiere on BBC. The last 12 minute segment was their interview with Richard Hammond, and the footage of his record breaking jet car speed run of 314MPH along with the other record breaking, and nearly neck-breaking, crash at 288MPH. This is an incredibly great segment. Jeremy Clarkson handles situation with humor and respect, and Hammy’s comments before and during the runs are heartbreaking. I am so glad this guy turned out OK and Top Gear is back.

Lucky for us somebody put the whole segment up on Google Video.

[via digg.]

Hot Chicks with Douchebags. I shit you not. Real site. Best site ever. Simple premise: pictures of hot chicks standing next to complete and utter douchebags. Why didn’t I think of this!!???

This bulgey ball of douche is like a blended energy drink of scrote. The “Douche Fruit Blend.” It’s on the menu at Jamba Juice right between “Berry Protein Power” and “Guava Energy.” Add a free Frosted Hair Boost, and it’s $4.95 well spent.

Too funny.

[via mike davidson.]

I won’t ruin this by telling you what it is in advance. Only 2 or 3 of you will care. Those same 2 or 3 people will start making phone calls to ensure that they have the right quality of weed lined up for the day of this movie’s release. I had no idea this was coming, and I couldn’t be more excited. Without further the trailer for the best movie of all time:

Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Colon
Movie Film For Theaters

Not much more at www.kingcolon.com

Bernard Derriman’s rabbit animation and song, Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me, is absolutely fantastic. Excellent animation, catchy tune, hilarious subject. This is worth a watch.

[via notcot.]

Don’t know what led to this, but it is the exact reason why they should never let me have kids. I call this genius use for good ol’ duct tape, “the babysitter.”

[from my old friend jlo.]

Toyota is producing a limited availability (only 3200 produced) special TRD edition FJ Cruiser for about $30,000 before dealer gauging, and I want one badly.

Good luck navigating the mess of Flash and popups. It’s in the Baja 1000 section.

The reviews of the normal FJ are pretty fantastic, and the TRD is basically a fully loaded version with special trim, all black paint, and special, locking rear differential.

Mark Behn is a talented animator that worked on the movie Robots. He has also just become one of my favorite illustrators after I saw his gallery online. He also has a blog. Amazing work.

[via drawn.]

Yeah, they did it again. Dubai is now blocking Flickr again, and I have no recourse. It seriously depresses me. This past weekend I went hiking and snorkeling, sightseeing, and souk-shopping in Muscat, Oman. I took 357 picts with my new Canon 30D. But you won’t see any of them except this one, because Flickr is gone. Fucking sucks here sometimes…

I wish I could show you the rest.

Just spent the last 4 hours watching the last 4 episodes of Season 4 of The Wire. That brings me fully up-to-date and I can now officially say I have seen every single episode. I can also officially say that this is one of the best shows ever on TV. Seriously. This show is fantastic. If you haven’t seen it, find Season 1 and just start watching. No sense jumping in in the middle. Start at the top and you won’t regret it.

Season 4 was a lot slower than the other 3 seasons, and I was a little disappointed at the focus on the kids throughout. I thought I was watching Degrassi Junior High. But in then end, it all pays off. Great season that just left me salivating for more.

Please trust me on this. I know you have too many shows already. But do yourself a favor, abandon Lost and 24, and move onto something much, much better. Yeah I said it, fuck Jack Bauer. That shit can only happen to the same guy so many times before they just fire his ass. Fuck him. The following just took place between 12:45am and 12:55am bitch.

Can’t wait for Season 5. (Anyone who wants to talk about the show, comment or email me. I am dying to rave about this..)

The trailer for Danny Boyle’s new thriller, Sunshine, looks incredible. With his track record, Trainspotting, Shallow Grave, 28 Days Later, I have very high expectations for this sci-fi genre switch. One of the stars is the ever-fascinating Cillian Murphy from 28 Days Later, and Batman Begins. He is just plain creepy and fantastic.

The story is basically pure sci-fi, but you can tell from watching the trailer that it will be very, very intense. It takes place sometime in the future, and the earth is dying because the sun is burning out. A team is sent into space to essentially jumpstart the sun. I know it sounds hokey. Just watch…

[forgot where I first saw this.]